Newsflash: Biologists Discover A Use For The Residue From Compost

Biologists Discover A Use For The Residue From Compost

Biologists have discovered that if you leave garden compost long enough to rot, it produces a black oily residue which can be processed and a flammable material produced. This mix of complex hydrocarbons and miscellaneous organic and inorganic substances has been shown to be toxic and needs handling with great care.

There is speculation that if we dig deep underground there may be lots of deposits of this rotten biological matter, which could be processed to produce an energy supply.

A spokesman from the national grid says they are not concerned by the idea of a new rival energy source, because our existing energy sources of wind, solar, tidal and nuclear make electricity quite cheap, with minimal waste products that are being recycled effectively anyway.

Environmentalists are expressing concern that digging up the planet to find this stuff could be very environmentally damaging, as the stuff is likely to be toxic to plants, animals, sea life etc, and burning it would pollute the air and produce carbon dioxide which could affect the delicate balance of the greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.

When the minister for energy was questioned, she replied that it seemed "utter madness" that mining or drilling and then the processing and distribution of the resultant fuel oils would be very expensive and require a huge investment for little benefit, her words being "so you want to dig up this nasty biological residue laid down over millions of years, process it and then burn it, producing vast amounts of pollution? are you crazy?"